Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I WILL get there......

I am very gracious for this time in my life. I have reevaluated the people that I have chose to surround myself with and just life in GENERAL. This week has been a GREAT week! Talia went to daycare for the first time Monday and I have started my job search!!! I have been a SAHM/WAHM for about 3 years now and I sat back and realized that a majority of my schedule was consumed with online activity, ramblings about "clapping OUR hands and learning something new...."(Blue's Clues) or " "Bing bang diggiriggidong" (Lazytown)---oh, let's not forget " do-do-do-do-dora!" making us grab our backpack!!! LOL. Honestly I have found that my day is filled more with television and computer-time than is normal. These last couple of days have been very different for me. Rising at 6 am and hitting the pavement non-stop until the last munchkin is tightly nestled in her bed before starting this cycle all over again the next morning.....

Just to sum up my interaction with potential Intended Parents--things are great! I have a pretty great feeling that something will happen soon enough and while I wait, I hum the tune to a song by one of my fav Man Band(s)--Boyz II Men, entitled "I will get there"

I've been wanderin' 'round in the dark
Been lost somewhere where no light could shine on my heart
I have known a pain so deep
But I know my faith will free me
[Get there] And I'll get through this
[Get there] I'll find my way again
So don't tell me that it's over
'Cause each step just gets me closer
(I will get there) I will get there
(I will get there) I will get there somehow
Cross that river (Cross that river)
Nothing's stoppin' me now
I will get through the night (Oh, yes, I will)
And make it through to the other side
(Get there) Get there
(Get there) Get there

Who knows? Soon enough things will happen and I will look back at this waiting period as paving the way for my next great set of IP's!! In the meantime--in between time---I am enjoying my family and just being ME!!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Drama, Love, Relationships

Its about drama and love and 'lationships
and when the going gets tough you deal with it
and you dont ever, you never walk away from it
you hold on, you be strong
its about drama and trust and making it
if your somebody mess up you take it in
dont let nobody come between you, you just stay with them
OK, so what if the song was about LOVE..LOL. It almost feels proper for what I am going through.

Issues! Issues! Issues!! At one point, I would say that I was pretty "ok" about sharing attorneys with IPs. My last arrangement definitely threw me for a loop on that decision. Since the "break-up" there has been constant bickering back and forth regarding bills. NOW the attorney's office claims that they DO NOT handle these disputes. Well--my question is--what DO you handle? I guess any disputes arising out of the contract have to be mediated or mitigated through the legal system, depending on the amount of damages.

Oftentimes, I wonder how something so "perfect" could end in disaster. The ONLY theory I am able to derive from such a confusing instance is---"EVERYTHING happens for a reason". I am in the process of starting a new journey and I must admit that I have gone forth with much caution. I have often compared surrogacy arrangements to that of marriage. This phase, I would call "the messy divorce".

My family has been nothing but supportive!! I am so happy and blessed to have a very supportive husband and children that understand.

When everything is great, the love is there----It's a real relationship that endures through it all.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

~*What is a D-I-V-A?*~

A Diva is a woman who by all accounts is smart & talented.

According to American Hertiage Dictionary, a Diva is "an operatic prima donna."

Most would use the word "stuck-up" or "conceited" interchangeably when "reserved" and "confident" seem more fitting.

A diva can at times be bitchy and in the same breath revert to her sweet ole' self. A diva can be anything she wants at any given time, because---she CAN.

A diva has a personality that could fill any room she walks in. She just gives off that "vibe".

Every woman can not be a Diva, it's not possible.

Just a note to all---on August 15, 1981----a Diva was born!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

She showed up today!

Many would wonder who "she" is, but if you are a surrogate, you can understand my excitement about my period being here.......LOL Yeh, it's merely insane to wish for a thing you curse once it's here, but it's "surro-nature".

Today marked the end of Spring Break for my son and the beginning of bliss for me!! Monday he will return to school as usual and I will return to loving my days of "relaxation". Lately, I have been pondering the idea of becoming a school teacher. Although, I would love to go back to the work force, I equally enjoy my time with my two angels and I know that teaching offers that flexibility--plus, I get to make a difference in the lives of young children. Teaching takes me back to the days of elementary. There were two teachers that influenced me that I would never forget. One of them died shortly after I went to the military, but the other (still alive) takes time out for me whenever I go home to visit. To know that one day I could do for someone what they did for me is a motivator for me.

This week was very slooowww. My whole family became ill with strep and the flu and we were out of commission until just recently. I am feeling alot better, but I still have a little of the "sniffles" left. Today I watched "Run's House" marathon and saw previews of the newer show to come on. I had NO idea that his wife, Justine had given birth in Sept '06 and that their baby girl died shortly after!!! THAT was really sad! From stories I read on the net, it was rumored that she was born with a rare condition where her insides were out. Very sad and I am very sad for that family.

How are things going for me on the surrogacy front? They are ok. I am VERY cautious, though. Alot of my surro-friends are saying "Take time to get to know them! You have to get to know them" Honestly, after my last experience I have learned that it could easily go either way. You could know someone for years and the relationship go to hell -OR- you could meet a family and develop a lifelong friendship. I guess I will take my chances with the latter. Reality is, I am doing this to help complete a family. A relationship after for me is a bonus. Although I know that having one after COULD happen, I also know that it COULD NOT. As long as my husband is on board and honestly gives me his views, I am ok with moving forward right now.

One thing I have noticed a lot with matching is the anxious feeling. The "let's get it on" and no, not like Marvin Gaye--feeling for all parties involved. I think that only time will tell what will happen and I am all for that. I am all for being a vessel once again to helping a family's dreams come true.

Well, the pizza man is here and I have to run!


Friday, March 16, 2007

A new day!

SOOOOOOOOO much has happened since the I had my blog made private and it would take days, maybe weeks to even update about it, so I will just give a brief opening to this new blog-----I am back and looking for new IPs! I am however talking to some PIPs, but nothing is written in stone yet. We shall see where the wind takes me over these next couple of weeks.....

It's pretty late here, so I am signing off, but I will update more later.